The Second Initiation

Just when I thought it was safe to go back into the water – when I thought that I would not in this lifetime have a devastating breakthrough in my spiritual life like the one I had on June 26, that I could just now methodically work my way through the tasks and challenges that Life so reliably sends me – there was this!

Tuesday night, December 3, around 10 p.m., I got up from a nap that was supposed to last two hours but actually went four (very unusual in itself). Quickly (1 minute) went through my new regular three steps for getting myself out of bed (truly always a real challenge).

Went into the living room and mentally confronted the two tasks I had been holding for the whole day, that I intended to get up at 8 p.m. in order to have four hours for accomplishing them before midnight – and which all day I knew were not realistic to accomplish today, and had built up tension in me all day (this phenomenon used to be common for me and never happens anymore).

Quickly realized that there was almost no way I was going to get these two tasks done by midnight (when the Vistaprint sale on business cards would end). Watched my push and hurry and tension and stress around these two tasks melt away – gradually slide into oblivion like they just absolutely were not there anymore.  

Went into a very beautiful state of just total beingness, nothing-to-focus-on, my mind suddenly not filled with tension and worries but instead a blank slate, and my attention more going into my body.

Saw the image of an old friend I had very briefly seen that day, who I have not seen or talked to for months, who I have missed a lot and who has very much been on my mind. 

  1. Thought how much I like her – what a great person she is, and what great connections we have had in the past, including ways she has been very helpful to me at some critical moments and I am very grateful to her.

  2. This thought of how much I liked her dropped into my body, and I experienced

    1.  a strong relationship charge: I really want more connection to her, am drawn to her, feel a magnetic pull to her.  In a period where I have been letting go of some relationships because they do not have this kind of energetic charge.cosmic lover

    2. a strong sexual/kundalini energetic charge – my life force is heightened by thinking of her, including sexual feelings and imagery.  It was a surprise to me a few months ago, when I discovered myself feeling not just the relationship charge with her, but also this more-specific sexual charge.  The relationship charge has remained definitely primary with her, very much to be appreciated and enjoyed and even heightened – with the sexual charge being very much secondary, mostly rhetorical (not anything I intend to act on or which I think will actually happen in this life).  It’s a sweet, hot, fun energy – nice to visit and juicy to know is actually in the mix with this woman, but not warranting a lot of focus.  

      The actual sexual turn-on lasted maybe 10-30 minutes, I actually have no idea how long – it felt so powerful and amazing and endless.  I had images of her and me that were amazingly sweet and hot.

    3. the sexual turn-on gradually slid away (my erection finally subsided.  30 minutes?  That might be a new record for just a fantasy, at least in my later years.)  What was left was an extraordinary overall body energetic charge – no longer specifically sexual (no fantasies or erection), but really just generally being hot for life, being turned-on to life.

It was about at this point in this amazing, truly mind-blowing experience that I realized consciously that I was in the middle of a very, very special experience – as important and shaping-of-my-future, I knew then, as my June 26 “Waking up”experience had been.  The words that popped into my head were:

The Second Initiation.  As in, “Wow – Life isn’t through with me yet.  This is like really fucking big.  I want to pay attention to every moment of it – to, as much as possible, remember every moment – but especially to totally surrender to it, to let it have my way and to change me as much as it wants to.  Oh, God, what makes me want shit like that?!”

The Second Initiation – by whom? What?  I haven’t been given an ID card, specifying the organization.  Life? Spirit? My own Energetic-Body?

As the power of this pure beingness somewhat subsided, it was followed by some very specific instructions for this chapter of my life.  They were quite a bit more detailed than the four simple instructions I got on June 26 (two of them that night were very specific, and two were more qualities to aim for).  This time again, I never knew quite where the instructions were coming from, but they were very clear and convincing  They covered exercise, diet, faithfulness to my body, sexuality, relationships, and work.  I will detail them in other posts.  



Published by Majo

These days all of my identities are converging: whether I am offering a blessing in the grocery store checkout line, offering a prayer in a poem or experiencing the kinship with all life while walking my or a client's dog - it's all the same. It's all Life.

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